I now look back to my younger self in late March in wonder at my early pandemic naïveté. Our plans with extended family for an eightieth birthday celebration for my father in law were after much deliberation sadly cancelled. Ever the optimist, I planned a trip to Utah with my little family. We’ll rent a camper van and see the National Parks, thought that version of myself. Then came the lockdown and another change of plans. And…we stayed at home. That’s what we’ve done a lot of over the past nine months—staying local, being with our little family, rolling with what is rather than what we had hoped might be.
Most of us have had to cope with changed plans after changed plans after changed plans in this pandemic year. We have tried to keep spirits up, while also acknowledging the challenges of living in an uncertain world. I’ve tried to emphasize the value of “both/and” thinking—you can feel both incredibly grateful and also feel sad about the losses that have accumulated over this very strange year.
After Sheryl Sandberg’s husband died suddenly at the age of 47, she wrote a powerful book called Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy. She advocates the concept of embracing the new reality, even though it isn’t what we might have chosen for ourselves. She actually calls it “rocking option b,” which I love! I’ve been thinking about this idea because it allows us to mourn the things that we have missed out on this year, while also embracing the unique gifts of this year.
One of these gifts presents itself to us this holiday season. Our holiday celebrations will undoubtedly look different this year than they have in years past. We do have an opportunity here to really look at which traditions feel good to us and are worth participating in and which are a lot of work without a lot of joy payoff. We can only do this through allowing ourselves some mental space to be quiet and mindful. But it can be quite a relief to take the pressure off of ourselves that this holiday needs to be just like those that came before it and those that will come after it.
I urge you to think about finding “slivers of joy” this month. How can you allow for some grief for all that we have lost in 2020, while also embracing the unique freedom of “option b”?