In my family, we’ve always allowed unlimited screen time during two specific times: when you’re on an airplane and when you’re sick. We’re adding a third circumstance to that list: when you’re stuck at home during a pandemic.
Under the best of circumstances, screen time is something parents worry about a lot. This, in short, is not the best of times.
So, how do we mitigate our guilt and the potential harmful effects with our kids? Here are some ideas.
1. Think about the quality of the media consumed
There is good content, bad content and then there is harmful content. I think of bad content as something mindless and distracting, not nurturing but not educational or soothing like good content. Harmful content increases our anxiety, often by stimulating our nervous systems in ways with which we cannot properly cope.
For little kids, be conservative in the types of media that they are taking in. Think PBS kids shows and Mr. Rogers. Mr. Rogers (the original) was purposefully shot in a way that mimicked real life, without fancy jump cuts or disorientingly fast images. If you are bored by the content, that’s probably a good sign that it is appropriate for a small child.
Use this rule for your own media usage as well. Think about consuming media that helps to slow your stress response. Our overwhelmed systems simply can’t handle intense input right now in the way that they normally might be able to.
I love commonsensemedia.com for helping to discern what is in the media we let our kids consume. You might also want to check it out before family movie nights. Sometimes the way we remember movies from our own childhood is significantly more benign that what they really are.
2. What makes a whole life?
There is nothing wrong with media being part of a full and healthy life. What we are in danger of currently is letting it take over our whole lives. As long as older kids are still doing their school work, getting outside, helping around the house and connecting with friends and family members, increased screen time seems perfectly appropriate to me right now.
With little kids, this gets trickier, mostly because they are less capable of independent activity and thus you as a parent/caregiver may be feeling burnt out with all of the demands placed upon your right now. It is okay to use screen time for your children in order to give your self a break. This is not a time to shame ourselves about anything, let alone screen time.
3. Passive vs. active media
Passive screen time is watching content that does not require anything from us; we are pure consumers. Active screen time is media such as games, puzzles, interactions with family and friends through FaceTime or Zoom.
It does appear that if we are looking to have our kids learn through screen time, then active screen time fulfills that task much better than passive screen time does.
I would wholeheartedly recommend engaging your kids in screen activities that help them to interact with family, friends and peers. This can lift everyone’s spirits, maintain intergenerational connections, and help us to feel less alone and apart than we might otherwise feel
That said, I have heard from some parents that their little ones are having trouble with screen time. It’s so hard to explain to the little ones the difference between "seeing" people online vs. real life. I have heard from others that it is disregulating to their little ones to do zoom and then go back to normal life. If you’ve experienced that challenge, I think what I would do is to continue to do zoom/FaceTime with buddies and family. See if it gets easier with time or continues to be challenging to reenter real life afterwards. If it is a continued struggle, maybe put it away for a week or so and then try again. Remember that they are growing quickly and their capacity to understand this distinction will increase with maturity.
4. Your Values and the Transition Back to Normal
We are living in a unique time and our approach to media right now can be different than it was before and the way it will be after. There is so much repair that will need to happen both individually and as a society when this intense time is over. I would propose revisiting your family’s values about screen time with your parenting partner when that time comes. There may well be some heavy push back from your kids when you start limiting screen time again. That said, I’ll personally welcome that battle when it comes!